Migrating

Happy news: I'm jumping to a new location for this blog! http://thoughtsfromblueeyes.com  is my new website, created for me by an extremely talented and generous web designer whom I may or may not be related to.

The glory of God and the exaltation of Christ are still the center. I look forward to writing from a new and different platform.

Col 3:17 -- all for Him!

Preferring

Peanut Butter S'mores. It may sound disgusting, but it's one of my favorite ice creams.

Rose Latte. It may sound disgusting, but it's one of Hannah the Traveler's favorite coffee drinks. 

We are all created with preferences. I like this, you like that, he can't stand that, fill-in-the-blank. That's part of how God made us, and it's a wondrous thing to see how the Body of Christ fits together with the distributed uniqueness among us all. It's beautiful how people are so different but need the same things: food, shelter, love.

God.

I wonder how many people think of God as just another preference, like an extra blurb to add to a biography or something to rattle off when we talk about mutual interests. "I like chocolate, watching classic films, and going to church," or, "I'm interested in God, sure! I love to study religion."

None of those statements can possible begin to encapsulate the true identity of our Lord. Merely viewing God as "just another thing in which I'm interested" is blasphemous, a mockery of Yeshua and the divine holiness he possesses that demands our utmost worship and dedication.

God is not a preference. God is God, and he deserves our everything. 

I was reading a book by Ted Dekker today. It was a fiction novel about a woman who encounters Jesus in A.D. 30 at the beginning of his ministry and is changed. When we encounter the living Savior, we are all changed, and there is no way to truly know and experience the Lord without being utterly convinced of his majesty but also his enduring love.

God is not a preference. God is God, and he deserves our everything.

I was watching a film today called "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes," a comedy with Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell. The entire movie revolves around men being unable to take their eyes off the female leads because of their figures. The women use this to their advantage, going from one man to the next, their preferences changing quickly whenever someone new comes along. 

Praise be to God that he is more than that. For God is not a preference. God is God, and he deserves our everything.

Psalm 24:10 says this,

"Who is this King of glory? The Lord of hosts, he is the King of glory."

Losing the concept of the majesty of God reduces him to another trinket treasure on our life's shelf of hobbies. We struggle with authority and obedience; I wonder why?

Drop the act. Let us turn our eyes from our carefully-kept interest lists and worship the One who deserves all of us, no matter what we think we prefer.

The Reality of New Years

It's an hour before the New Year.

Looking back on 2014, I can say one thing for sure: it was full.

This past year has been an incredible learning experience for me. Growing older never comes without its lessons, trials, joys, and challenges.

God has not given us another day and another year for no reason. Rather, he uses our time for a grand purpose. I think back this year to the ordinary days I experienced where nothing "significant" happened. It was routine: work/school, friends, food, sleep, prayer. I think about the big days where my whole life seemed to be impacted. These were the life lessons, the big answered prayers, seeing others come to Christ, being humbled more than ever by the knowledge that God was using me for something. Of course, there were the bad days of struggling with shame, my mind playing out my sin over and over, people failing and me failing and nothing going right; these were the days I was mad at the world and God seemed far off. These moments cast shadows and reminded me that this is not a simple war of flesh and blood (Eph 6:12). 

The Lord uses our time. Things happen for a purpose, a metanarrative that defies our postmodern culture that refuses to believe in a sovereign plan. God is seated on his throne despite the good days, bad days, and the average days. 

There is no such thing as time wasted in the hands of our Lord. 

Take comfort and joy in knowing that there is a plan. God is using each moment to teach, reveal himself, and bring glory to his name. Romans 8:28.

Stuff doesn't just "happen." This next year isn't going to just "happen," either. There is Someone who is holding each sun before releasing it to rise, and the new dawn of 2015 is no exception.

I've been messaging with Ian the Theologian and talking New Year's resolutions. It's an interesting concept, setting goals for oneself. Remembering the Planner in our plans is the number one priority (James 4:13-17). 

Keeping all this in mind, I think my New Year's resolutions would include working on my book and reshaping it a bit, along with seeking opportunities for future ministry options and taking better care of myself physically and spiritually. However, my overall "resolution" is a continual one, a prayer that I can know and love Jesus more. I want to be closer to the One who holds my life and time in his hands.

He is the one I trust and dedicate the New Year to, always. I fail, I stumble, I trip, I hate, I lie -- yet, he forgives and reminds me that my identity rests in him, not in my past self or in my sin. Jesus loves me, this I know. Jesus is the Way, for this year and the next.

God, I look to you. My life is in your hands.

The Reality of Memory

We collect memories every day, not always realizing it. Memories aren't just vacations, traditions, or major life events; rather, they are also tarnished photographs in the bottom drawer, or a too-small pair of comfy jeans, or the smell of a hospital mixed with Mom's perfume.

Memories. They are a blessing and a curse, a priceless necklace that is beautiful but sometimes ill-fitting and most certainly nonreturnable. It was just given to us.

The first time I walked into my dorm room, #402. Standing beneath the Eiffel Tower and running down the Seine bank with a crepe in my hand. Trying ketchup for the first time, finding a spider in my bed when I was nine, having a kid in youth group confess a pornography addiction to me, being betrayed by a close friend when I was 17.

I find it interesting that Jesus was human.

Jesus had to redeem all aspects of our humanity, for what is not assumed is not washed clean. For the Word became flesh and walked among us (John 1:14). Therefore, Jesus had memories, too.

He had to experience human life. He had to collect memories and process and think and go through the mundane (30 years of day-to-day carpentry, hello) and the highly significant (his ministry of three years). He knows what it's like to have a celebration party, or to walk into a funeral that we never wished would happen, or to have your closest friends leave and your family reject you. Hebrews 4:15.

Memories of bad times can assault us when we're not looking. I had a pretty rough experience with this last summer when a flood of regrets rushed into my head from my first fall semester in college. I've also had wonderful times of reminiscence with family and friends, and tonight was no exception.

We sat in our living room for an hour telling funny stories that spun off of Christmas memories. I take this time for granted too often. Time is the vehicle for our memories, and for a short 75-ish years God allows us to be her passenger.

Eric from Massachusetts wrote a song that fits well with this subject:



I've tasted and seen, and I want to keep collecting these memories because my eyes have been opened and my life redeemed. by Jesus. Time will drive on, but I will cling to One who remains unaffected by Time's shortsightedness and limited scope and refusal to pick up hitchhikers. Jesus, keep my memories in your jar and continue to hold my life as my Ultimate Destination.

The Reality of Home

I'm officially finished. 

First semester, check. Off the dashboard. I'm looking forward to heading out tomorrow for my North Woods to see family and favorites.

I made a Chik-fil-A run with Corbin the Class President tonight and then watched "Elf" with the other guys and gals who are still here. I had to say, "See you next year" to some sweet sisters and my wonderful roommate whom I love dearly. Of course, it wouldn't have been a solid wrap-up without a late-night adventure/conversation with Archie and Co. It's been a treasured few months. 

Looking back, it's been a ride. I can't believe only three and a half months have gone by since I left for my second year at Bible college, suitcases and heart at the ready. The friends (old and new), the memories, the lessons learned, and the papers written are only a small segment on the ruler of my life. Jesus continues to form and shape me into his humble vessel and child, to be filled only by him.

I know more reflecting is to come, but a little slice: God taught me that he is more than an idea to be abstracted but my salvation itself; when we pray for things we so badly desire, the Lord answers sometimes by shaping our hearts to desire him more instead; I need the Bible to refresh my spirit; spend time with people who build you up; sarcasm has its limits, and simply being kind and being yourself is more important than the next witty quip; adventures rock; give people your full attention; repent daily; pray for humility and to be a better listener. Throw in the academics, and my heart is full.

I'm ready for home.

As Christians, our lives are headed toward something greater. Because of Jesus Christ, our "citizenship is in heaven" (Phil 3:21). That's where God is. Out of his great love, we will be there someday as well.

No more pain, sorrow, separation, loneliness, and sin. Jesus, forever. 

I can't wait to see it. To be there. To be made complete.

To see Jesus.

The Reality of Real Life

This morning, at approximately 8am, a man was blowing a rape whistle on the corner of Clark and Randolph. He was holding a sign proclaiming the evils of the government and that they had violated him by refusing to give him his veterans' benefits.

This morning, at approximately 8am, I was buying a doughnut at the corner of Randolph and Dearborn. I was with my friends celebrating Brynna the RA's birthday, and we went to this (literal) hole-in-the-wall place in the Loop before finals. 

My life looks very different from that man's street corner in Daley Plaza. In fact, looking around on the crowded train platform and shuffling down the street, I see a lot of people whose lives are different than mine. I wonder who they are and where they're going, and whether or not they have someone in their life telling them the great news that Jesus is real and work doesn't have to be meaningless.

I was thinking about this while riding back to campus on the El. I have a strange relationship with the Big City: I don't quite fit in here, but I enjoy living here for now and the community I am a part of. I don't see myself really staying here after graduation, but I love taking advantage of what this city has to offer a transient resident. Living in this current reality of the Big City has taught me much, and God has grown me in a way that will always leave this place an especially marked and revisited section of my story. The city has contributed to my life. Yet, there's a higher, spiritual Reality as well.

Real Life is in Christ. That is the true reality, and that is the present reality for me. Because I am unified with Christ as part of the body of  believers, I am a new creation (2 Cor 5:17). For those who don't know him, their life is a struggle, a veil pulled over their eyes as they seek to find satisfaction and meaning. They yearn for something that they can't put their finger on. They have not been filled and transformed by Christ. Not knowing Jesus is a whole other reality.

The question is, am I living this out? Do I live like Jesus an idea, or is he real? Do I really believe that what I really believe is really real? 

I think a lot of Christians aren't living abundantly because we forget who Jesus is and what he's done. We get bogged down in things that don't matter, and we lose sight of the magnanimity of this reality: Christ! He has changed us, and we are different! 

I know we can't see it all quite yet; after all, we aren't in heaven and Jesus isn't face-to-face here (1 Cor 13:12). We know, however, that we have a forerunner, an anchor of hope (Heb 6:19). Christ results in a new reality for us here and now. 

See those living without him. Wrestle in prayer, Understand the new reality. Thank him for the transformation. 

Live.

The Reality of Peace

A friend of mine working for Chik-fil-A was out by Michigan Avenue for her usual shift this afternoon. She stands next to a big poster and hands out flyers. I got a text from Tiffany while I was out at a movie that she had to step away from her post due to a semi-heated protest complete with a police escort down the street.

Ferguson pushback.

The whole incident that took place in Missouri remains troubling, but the more troubling part is that peace and justice still cannot be found. It seems that despite the efforts of the court system, local government, and heated public opinion that this issue ceases to rest. Add in explosive responses from cities all over America and dredged-up similar incidents, and we have a case of dynamite on our hands.

I don't pretend to know anything. I didn't grow up with this kind of tension in my neighborhood; the whole concept of people fighting cops and police brutality-question-mark is not part of my insulated lexicon. I try to read up what I can, and though the court's response seems obvious and fair to me, I can't ignore the attitudes of others. 

I know this for sure: God created us. God cares for us. God hates sin. God has provided salvation through himself.

God is peace.

Through Christ, we can possess a peace that surpasses all understanding. Philippians 4:6-7. Jesus is our Peace, and he is the solution to human pain, human emptiness, and skewed human justice. He is the truth, which sets us free (John 8:32).

Despite the injustice, the selfishness, and the heat, there is a solution.

Christ. Sola deo gloria.

See past the shattered reflections, responses, and hey, the racism (BOTH ways). See the truth: there can be justice through Christ. By him, we see all things clearly. Filter past the corrupted media of men and understand that sin is the problem. Seek the Word, and pray before just spitting out an opinion on the matter.

Thank him there is an Ultimate Solution.

The Reality of Relationships

I haven't had time to do much writing recently, but I have been thinking.

Between working our annual Christmas concerts this past weekend, homework, sleeping, working in general, saving the whales, laundry, life talks, and Thanksgiving, life has been nuts. I'm currently in the library (yes, again) hammering out an exegetical study on Colossians 2:6-8 and listening to 80's music. And of course, clowning around in between paragraphs with my friends.

What else is new? 

Reading Hebrews 13 lifts the spirits. Verses 15;16 state this: "Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise -- the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased."

God is pleased with these things. By Christ, we can offer such sacrifices to the Lord. His blood covered, and through the Incarnation he has redeemed every aspect of humanity. Jesus was the perfect human, the perfect example. We can approach God because of his salvation. We can live in accordance with what the Lord desires because of Christ working through us.

And we can praise him back. The fruit of our lips can be praise, and it doesn't have to be poison.

I've been challenged recently on my lack of understanding regarding the magnitude of Christ's identity. He is not just an idea! He is my redemption, and my Lord, and my forgiveness, and my eternal life!

Jesus is Jesus! My relationship with him is not a connection with a divine hero, or a picture, or an idol, or a thought. The reality is this: Jesus is alive, and he is coming back. Because of his birth, life, death, resurrection, and ascension, we can live the abundant life. We can live in him, and that is the only way to live.

This truth ought to affect all my relationships. As I look around the table at Tyler, and Holly, and Jonathan, and Tiffany, and Nate, and Corbin, I see brothers and sisters who have been redeemed by our Lord. I see men and women wonderfully made and valued by our Creator, and broken vessels made whole just as I have been. It's humbling to realize that we are all three-dimensional and that Jesus has a plan for every single one of us. I can't wait to see where the Lord takes them as future pastors, missionaries, and counselors. I dearly care for them and this is only because God loved me first.

Knowing Jesus and truly loving him will spill over into our lives, making praises come involuntarily from our lips, and good works coming out of us by him. 

See Jesus for who he is. By him, we can only see ultimate reality of everything else, relationships and otherwise.

Application and Obligation

I'm sitting in the corner of the library. I've been essentially camped out here this entire past weekend, jamming to my "Thoughtful" (ha) playlist, and I've been systematically taking apart a passage in 1 Corinthians for a research paper. It's been awesome to survey the text and interpret the Word of God -- and getting a GRADE for it! This is one of the reasons I am so blessed to be in Bible college. 

However, I've been realizing more and more how little time I actually have to process the Word of God, differing perspectives, and other things I've learned this semester. Life hits hard and fast; it seems to be speeding up every day, and I just don't have enough time to chew on every conversation, chapel speaker, lecture, and devotion. I think that's why I'm enjoying this time working on this passage, because I wish I could do this with everything in my life (especially things I'm hearing about the Bible in general, whether in class or through the mouth of a prof). 

My tendency is to jump to application. How can I live this out? What do I need to change? How can I teach this to others? What's the relevancy? Snap, snap, snap my fingers looking for the bottom line. In my desire to quickly readjust my life in order to live a more God-honoring walk, I easily forget to appreciate the biblical text for what it is and enjoy the studying of the Word. I am called to study and "let the Word of Christ dwell in [me] richly in all wisdom" (Col. 3:16). Running to the main point prevents that deep-seated dwelling, that chewing and thinking and meditating process.

If I eliminate interpretation, I get a wad of jumbled nothing. I am obligated as a student of the Word to faithfully exegete the Scriptures and not simply brush aside the study portion. 

Taking my time to soak in the Word instead of attempting the firehouse approach is a lot more worthwhile.

"Study it carefully, think of it prayerfully, deep in thy heart let its oracles dwell; slight not its history, ponder its mystery, none can e'er prize it too much or too well."  ~Author Unknown.

Let's read the Word with utmost reverence and devotion. And take our time to look, to really look.

The Word never returns void. Isaiah 55:11.

Cans and Kool-Aid

From what well are you drinking?

I visited an art exhibit in Millennium Park with some friends featuring special sculptures made out of Red Bull cans. It was pretty cool to see some of the things people had done -- a dress, a set of wings, a fish, portraits -- using just the metal from energy drink cans. The stories behind some of the pieces included information about the artists. All I could think about was the number of drinks they must have consumed in order to produce so much art on a grand scale.

Everyone runs on something. You drink water, or pop, or coffee. We all refresh ourselves somewhere.

I've been thinking about the woman at the well in John 4, Jesus reveals the nature of the Living Water in this portion of Scripture and how it refreshes forever. Our souls can be at peace and we can be revitalized, never to thirst again for something that doesn't last. The eternal life that comes from God, the Living Water, refreshes us forever.

Are you drinking from that well, or are you just drinking someone else's Kool-Aid? When we don't drink water, we dehydrate ourselves even more. Sure, we may feel good for a moment, but it doesn't last.

The influence of others can be strong. We can find ourselves chugging someone else's ideology, opinions, worldview, or standards without even realizing it. The Kool-Aid can affect us so much that we even start to change ourselves into someone else.

The woman at the well was thirsty, as all of us are. However, like many of us, she didn't know it. She couldn't understand Jesus when he started talking about the Living Water until he revealed the truth to her. Sometimes, we don't even know that we're not drinking the right thing until the Spirit reveals the truth through the Word, in prayer, or by the wisdom of other Christians.

As believers, we are secure in Christ; yet, I find myself often looking for meaning, life, rest, and refreshment from others' pitchers instead of the eternal Living Water himself. I need to be refreshed by the Living Water instead of searching for satisfaction in other unhealthy places.

May we pray to see the true colors of the fountains from which we're drinking, and may God lead us like sheep back to the Living Water for our hydration and life.

Offerings and Open Palms

"O Lord, I bring an offering to you..."

I deeply appreciate the words of that song. I'm listening to it tonight in our floor lounge. It's quiet (I mean, hey, it's 1:00am), and my body is tired from a long day. My heart, though, is peaceful. Much has been getting done. God is at work and teaching me yet again the importance of prayer.

There's a professor here on campus whose trademark line is about holding things (especially significant others) with an open palm. We joke about it here, mostly because he has the most precious Southern accent and is a bajillion years old.

There is something so symbolic about an open hand facing upwards. It shows surrender. It shows that we're giving something up that we've been holding onto. It shows God that we're done and that we trust his plan over anything else.

It's a relinquishing of control.

My relationships with my friends are some of the most important things in my life. The people I care about and walk in Christ with are so special to me. Coming from a place earlier in life where I had no consistent Christian brothers and sisters, the men and women I've met since coming to college have blessed me more than they can ever know.

I realized this past week that a certain friend of mine has been influencing me too much, and I've been allowing it. It was like blinders fell off; I noticed that he wasn't encouraging me nor our other friends, and his hidden fears of vulnerability were preventing the rest of our group from growing in Christ together. He has been setting the tone for all of us, and I just realized that it wasn't edifying this past week.

This friend of mine needs Jesus to break down the barriers of his pride and ego. I can see the hurt and the pain, but as a sister, I can only do my best to set the example and tone in our friendship, discern opportunities for correction in love, and pray, hard, that the Lord works in his life. 

Holding my friendships in an open palm allows for me to give them up to God and let him work. I certainly can't be Jesus to my friend; it's up to the Lord to humble him, heal him, and help him.

Offering up my life to the Lord includes turning over everything over which I desire to exercise control. I cast my cares upon him, because I can trust the God cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). He has me, he has my brother in Christ, and he holds the world.

To whom else could I go? For who else is all powerful and has the words of life? (John 6:68). 
The Master does, and I look to his feet to lay my crowns down. 

Speaking of Contrast...

Thank the Lord for his blessings in my life. He has given me several reprieves this past week. A paper being finished and turned in. An event off my plate. A test taken. Time with friends and refreshing sleep. Beautiful weather. Dinner at a professor's house and a successful meeting. Work smoothing out.

I am incredibly unworthy to know God, let alone the fact that he answers my prayers. Jesus has saved me! He extends that salvation to all!

Yet, a contrast looms.

Several friends I know are struggling hard. Stress, death, medical issues, financial problems, family drama, dark depression. God seems far away from them, the Scriptures are dry, and Satan feels like he's ripping life apart.

Set this against the backdrop of our world, the picture looks even blacker. ISIS. Ebola. Economic crises. Political scandals. Broken families. Divided nations.

It's hard to see how the God we serve can still be Lord in both the good and the bad. How can he still be Lord amidst the suffering? How can truth be true all the time, no matter what our circumstances? 

How can the God I worship and praise for the blessings he's given me be the same God who seems so absent in the lives of others? 

I don't have all the answers. I am hardly omniscient, and I am far from wise. 

Yet, one thing I do know...of one thing I am sure.

I was blind, but now I see. God is real. God is true. He is here. I know it's hard to see through the pain and the storms and the dark. All I can tell you is that I know a fount where sins are washed away.

Free is the one that the Son sets free. 

Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in his wonderful face. Colossians 3:2. 

See beyond the contrast, the joy, the pain. See him, whom was pierced for our transgressions. See our Lord in his sovereignty and deep love which draws us into his arms through the trials. 

Speaking of Strength...

Congratulations, stress is officially a thing. 

I'm in the library ignoring all I need to be doing. I'm with two of my friends, evaluating doodles and making fun of an Instagram photo of Archie trying to channel James Dean. There's much on my mind, and much to be in prayer for. Yet, here I am.

It's because I can't mentally do anything right now. And it's okay.

Homework, work, family stuff, life choices, lack of social time, future plans, and trying to stay refreshed in the Word. Processing emotion instead of stuffing it up. Trying to take care of myself.

Sometimes, that includes eating junk food and listening to alt pop in the back corner of the lower level library. 

God, in his mercy, gives us strength each day. I don't have to worry about not having enough strength for tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year; I only have to think about today, and I trust that God will bless me with the strength to handle what's coming simply as it comes. No need to worry about tomorrow and what's up next--our Father feeds the birds, and he values us so much more.

Wherever you're at, know that. 

God is with you, just as he's with me. Turn your stress over to him. Set your mind on things above, as Paul says in Colossians 3:2. Remember where we truly belong (Phil. 3:21). 

Even so, life is full and speeding along fast. Take everything one step at a time, as I am working on doing. And don't forget to bust open the chocolate box.

The Lord is eternally good and caring. He sees you, just as he saw Hagar in her pain, Hannah in her shame, Martha in her worry, and Mary Magdalene in her hopelessness. 

Choose to see him back. 

Speaking of the Future...

Once in a while, you zoom out.

Sometimes it's a conversation. Other times, it's simply the reality of life making you pause in the middle of a crosswalk or as stop as you're waiting for a train.

Today, I had the privilege to take my dear friend Claire out for a coffee adventure. We were at a hole-in-the-wall and caught up, then proceeded to walk by the river and get snacks at Trader Joe's. It was refreshing and needed.

We were talking a lot about the future and our own insignificance in God's plan. The current chapter of our lives includes Bible college, intense growth, and the big city. However, as Claire aptly pointed out, these four years are really only a season, a tiny blip on the road of our lives. The world is moving full speed ahead, and soon we will be metaphorically leaving the station, picking up our tickets, and hopping on board. Many of us will never meet again. Some of us might be blessed to work in ministry together or live close enough to stay in continual contact, but most of us will never cross paths again. As the workers head out to the harvest, the closeness we are blessed with now with end.

Strange to think that the future is coming. Adventure is out there. No eye has seen, no ear has heard the things the Lord has in store for those who love him. 1 Cor 2:9. 

Paul knew this wasn't all there was. There is a heaven, and a Savior, and a finish line; there's also two and a half years from now (by his grace and mercy) when I will be crossing the stage to receive a diploma and ending my time here at school. Life happens outside of these few blocks of campus, and as one of my senior friends said today, it gets weirder and weirder to think about it the closer you get.

Maybe because it's Year Number 2. Maybe it was the macchiato. Maybe it was something about the fall weather, the blue skies, and the steps of the cathedral we were sitting on. When I was with Claire this afternoon, I felt like we zoomed out, just for a moment, and we were looking far down the road in life. We could see a tiny shaft of light, and we metaphorically grabbed it as we discussed what God might have in store with ministry, paths, and relationships.

No matter where he takes me after this season, I know is that Jesus is Lord and he holds me in his hands. My life is a sacrifice for his glory and his glory alone. I will keep running the race with the end in mind. I will keep proclaiming him and using my gifts to bring him praise. Hebrews 12:1-2. Yes, I will keep going.

I will keep sharing his love like I did tonight in Millennium Park with two young women who had never heard the Gospel. I will fight for the souls of men and women around me. 

No matter what the next step is, Jesus, keep increasing my faith and wisdom. Be my strength and fill me with your everlasting, beautiful peace that overflows and makes no sense. I look ahead to what you have for me.

Speaking of Calling...

Let me throw this out there.

All Christians are missionaries. All Christians are workers for the harvest, All Christians are "sent."

Why? Because the Great Commission applies to all of us!

No one is exempt from living missionally: reaching out, evangelizing our neighbors, and making disciples!

Missions Conference wraps up tomorrow morning for our campus. It's been a firehouse of info, and our theme this year on reaching the unreached has caused a lot of emotions to come out for our student body. I'm avoiding processing the bulk of it until after it's over. 

I am sure of two things at this point, however:

We serve a mighty God who is capable of anything. He answers our prayers, and he wants us to intercede for the nations.

Also, I am called to stay and do the work of the Gospel here in America, whatever form that takes. My hurt is burdened for reaching the unreached here, There is so much to be done in Christ's name locally. Down the hall, down the street, down the block. I see it and couldn't imagine leaving.

Matthew 28:19. Here we are.

God's will for our lives is misinterpreted, I think, We wonder what God wants us to do; we ache to hear him speak; we pray for his presence. Ladies and gentlemen, God is already here; God has already told us what to do; God has already spoken! 

1 Thess 4:3 says, "This is the will of God: that you may be sanctified."

The end. Let's live out the general principles he has given us in conjunction with the wisdom and guidance of the Spirit. 

We are called. And we shall go.

Speaking of Time...

Once in a while, you get ahead of life. The papers are done, the work is over, the hangouts have happened, and the schedule is actually clear. 

That's whats up.

It's the night before our annual Missions Conference, and here I am with my friends, in our campus coffee shop, joking around and attempting to do nothing. We're talking about whatever, complaining about Megabus ticket prices back to Iowa, and drinking cold coffee. I'm wearing slippers, and two of my friends are barefoot. It's close to midnight here. I'm pretty sure Coldplay or something is playing in the background.

These simple moments will be what I miss. It's the little pieces that come together to make up the huge puzzle of our individual lives. I will remember the big exams and the big Chicagoland sights and the big-picture milestones. But, as Russell says in the Pixar movie "Up," it's the boring stuff that matters the most.  

God is good in the busy and the slow. He is Sovereign in the broken and in the whole. Jesus is Lord no matter what's going on, and no matter the state of our hearts, he is there and he has a plan.

There is a time for everything, rest included. It's odd to have free time, and as the weeks go forward, I will forget what it feels like to have nothing pressing to do. However, all time is a blessing, and all time is meant to give God glory. Everything that happens in our daily routines for him, be it a slow moment or the fast lane. 

Ecclesiastes chapter 3 discusses the seasons of life and how God "has made everything beautiful in its time," setting eternity in our hearts as we long for the end. Colossians 3:23 puts it so: "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Jesus, keep my eyes on you, all the time. 

Speaking of Faith...

Frank is 23 years old. He loves Jesus and his girlfriend. He appreciates trail mix, deep discussions about faith, and friendly conversation.

Frank is homeless.

Every week I hit the streets of Chicago with fellow friends to share the Gospel. We're part of a ministry outreach at my school, and since joining this group last year, I've never been challenged or stretched more. We grabbed our tracts as we left the room where we meet for prayer and reading of the Word. We walked the blockage to Michigan Avenue. We paired up and broke camp.

The Gospel weighs on my heart. Everywhere I look, I see dying souls who are walking blind into judgment and whose eyes are coated with scales. I usually don't know who to talk to first, and it's pretty overwhelming. That's when I saw Frank,

He was holding a cardboard sign at the corner in front of the TopShop clothing store. I plopped down in front of him and said, "Excuse me, sir. What are you reading?"

Deuteronomy.

So began our conversation. I actually knew his girlfriend, a homeless girl I met last year in the same area. We talked back stories and I learned about how he became a Christian. I learned how he ended up on the streets. I encouraged him and prayed with him and gave him a dollar, the only cash I had.

I respected his humanity, and I appreciated his rich faith in Christ.

Some of the strongest Christians I've met have been homeless people. Their joy in the Lord seems so opposite to what they're going through, and it's almost ridiculous considering their situations. Most people don't look at them. Most people don't care to take five minutes and ask them their story, let alone their names. It's a fine, tricky, delicate line -- some people are fakers, but others are real and truthful. 

You can see, though, the light of God shining through those that are in Christ. That's what I saw in Frank tonight, and I am in prayer for him as my brother.

When we are at our lowest moments, that's when the Light of the World shines brightest because we truly have nothing left of ourselves. There's no facade remaining. Our faith is refined, as Peter says, and it glistens as we become more sanctified in Christ.

It's hard. I can't pretend to resonate with Frank's situation, nor any other homeless person's trial to survive, but I can learn lessons of truth from their testimonies. I can be encouraged and preached to from the most unlikely of places. 

Following God's call and leading, I will always be surprised at how much more my eyes can be opened.

Romans 12:12 -- "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Always. For the King who leads us ever deeper, sometimes into dark places or shadows or valleys, but who always brings us out on the other side looking more like himself.

Repenting Hype

I love hype.

A few hysterical people. Late-night adventures. Music. Party atmosphere. Something crazy, someone yelling, everyone doubled over with laughter so hard that they can't breathe. Definitely something worth writing about later or maybe a sarcasm battle that turns into a new inside joke. If you know anything about Enneagrams, this is the full-out 7 side making an appearance.

I get such an emotional "high" from being with people. Having dozens of dear, genuine friends is a blessing I've only encountered since coming to college. For an extrovert like me, it's the picture-perfect situation to be in. I thank God over and over for gifting me with friends. I deserve nothing, and yet he's given me the one thing my heart craves most: relationships with other Christians.

And yet.

Yes, there's always a "yet," always a B-side to the blessings and gifts. Everything we receive from Jesus can be sinfully abused and misused if we don't steward well and seek to glorify him in all areas of our lives. 

This struggle is very real. Idolizing happens. 

The cleverness turns into the "Me" show. I abuse my friends' time and emotions, seeking them only when I want fulfillment. The sarcasm is poorly played and jabs places it shouldn't. Jesus is left by the wayside as fun turns into breaking rules and calling attention to us rather than Him.

How about this: He never even comes up in the conversation.

I am being truthful in saying this is one of my biggest struggles. I can't keep throwing God to the sidelines and act like I can receive ultimate satisfaction from my relationships. I can't keep switching into "look-at-me" mode and then go back to my Bible when the party's over, repenting in my journal and apologizing for pride.

I need help. And that can only come from God.

Look to Jesus. Look to Jesus. Look to Jesus.

He is the only true source of fulfillment! That "low" I get when the music stops and the night ends and everyone goes home? When the last thing I want to do is be alone? Good grief, woman, Jesus never left!

The truth is hard to live out when our feelings disagree. I'm in the crux of this battle when it comes to the fantastic fellowship of my brothers and sisters. It seems like nothing is more worthwhile than being with my friends, but that's hardly true. Jesus has given me these relationships, and the last thing I want to do is abuse them or idolize them.

So, Lord, I beg forgiveness. I repent of my pursuit of hype over You. Spirit, be the center and fill me up so I can discern what is right and wise, even in the midst of the fun and blessings you've given me.

Help me to see.

Repenting Ignorance

Do we believe that what we believe is really real?

How much is lies, and how much is truth?

I ended up in a black-hole-style conversation after dinner last night with two friends of mine. After a full day of homework, football, rain, and exploring Old Town, I was more than happy to talk.

We hit everything: self-perception, the culture wars, feminism's impact on relationships, and why men and women have such skewed views of one another.

These were guys, and I'm so grateful because I needed to hear that others, especially my male contemporaries, are thinking through and are concerned about the same things I am. 

Our discussion left me thinking...how ignorant am I to the lies of this world slipping into my mind and shaping my beliefs?

Hear me out. Our culture absolutely contributes to who we are; we can't change our familiarity and context. However, we can change what we choose to believe about people, God, and ourselves. Our minds have been transformed by the Holy Spirit--we are now capable of understanding the truth, for we are new creations (2 Cor 5:17). We don't have to ingest the lies of the world anymore, and we don't have to be ignorant to what's really going on here.

The lies. They surround us, but we have the truth of God that's as sharp and penetrating as anything (Heb 4:12). The truth sets us free (John 8:32). The truth is Jesus Christ, the only mediator between God and man (1 Tim 2:5). Our eyes can be opened.

We can know that we are valued. We can know that there is hope and eternal life. We can know and live and bank on the fact that Jesus rose from the grave, defeating death and providing the ultimate "Yes" to the promises of God (2 Cor 1:20). We can love, and we can have true community and fellowship with one another because of God in us.

This morning I went out with my dearest friends to celebrate a birthday. We baked croissants, got coffee, and walked down Michigan Avenue to recreate the famous Audrey Hepburn scene from the film "Breakfast at Tiffany's." Amid the overwhelming aura of materialism, homeless people, trash, and cardboard boxes dot the chrome landscape. Right next to some of the biggest and most lavish department stores in the world are broken, beaten people and the remnants of their lives. The stores try so hard to camouflage the "clutter," but there's no way you can't see it's all there.

However, if you choose to shut your eyes and ignore the lies, you'd probably never notice. 

What are you "seeing"? What are you believing? There's only two options: the Truth, or the lies of this world that will only pull you under til you can't breath anymore.

Repenting Mr. Darcy

There's no such thing as the perfect man.

Outwardly, everyone affirms my previous statement: Of course. We all know that. Yep.

Look in your heart.

If you are single today, if you are married today, if you are dating today, do you carry the terribly incorrect belief that your future/current spouse is supposed to be a certain way and act like this and behave just the way you want? That's called playing God.

That's called sin. That's called being selfish.

We tend to assume that the other person needs to be perfect. We tend to make them into an idol. Worst of all, we tend to make them Jesus. 

Relationships are a tricky thing. We are saved and redeemed by God, but we all still struggle with sin. We can truly love, but we still carry scars and have difficulty relating--heck, we don't even know ourselves fully. If we don't keep our eyes wide open and contend in prayer, we will cling to an unrealistic image and make a man (or woman) into our savior. 

I can testify to the temptation here. It's so easy to come up with a list of things I "want" in a boyfriend/husband and then reject every single person who doesn't exactly fit that meticulous image. I can easily make a friendship into something it's not or abuse the feelings of a young man because I want him to be like the perfectly debonair Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Manipulation. Control. All the things that I'm not supposed to do, I want to do in order to satisfy my pride. Going too deep too fast--we all want to do that, too, instead of letting things play out in a healthy fashion. The heart is deceitfully wicked; who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9).

A lot of it boils down to pride and thinking I know what's best for me rather than trusting God and keeping things in an open palm. Relying on truth over feelings is always the skeleton key. In all honesty, remaining calm and peaceful and letting relationships develop slowly, over time, in a pure way, is the best. 

Love Jesus with absolutely everything you are, so much that it makes me more like Jesus to be around you. Add in mutual interest, which (for me, at least) cancels out a ton.

Ta-da. I think that's a good start. 

See your brothers and sisters around you and know that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, but we are justified freely through Christ's gift of salvation. Romans 3:23-24.

Lord, forgive us for thinking others can be as perfect as you. Forgive us for thinking we know what is best and for not believing you provide your children with good gifts.