Candids and Crashers

I completed the last day of class today. Besides two finals next week, it's done. Whoa.

I'm experiencing the oddest mix of emotions--happy for the summer, excitement that I'm moving on to another year of school, bittersweet about brothers and sisters who aren't coming back to campus, frustration at the rate time is passing. I've been pretty open about this, and most others I talk to are feeling the same way. I want so badly to treasure these last days, and today was no exception.

So, I lived it up.

I went out with friends to get homemade sodas from a hole-in-the-wall to celebrate turning in our last paper, took fun photos around campus, learned to longboard from a friend this afternoon and subsequently went out late tonight to hit the streets with some guys, Gospel Choir concert, ice cream, hung out in the plaza with my bros as they tried to convince me to go out to the beach for an all-nighter adventure. Meeting new friends and checking in with the old. Oh, and another friend of mine gave me cinnamon rolls from his work. It was good. 

Despite the fun and the wonderful times I had today, however, I can say candidly that I struggle with being hopeful and peaceful about my future. Only by the Lord's grace can I say, "I'm ready to leave this amazing city, campus, and community for a little while to go recharge with my family." He is the Satisfaction, the Bread of Life which fills me up and keeps me going, fulfilled, even if I'm not involved with crazy social activities or a mushrooming ministry or a positive relationship. Even when my longings feel unnoticed and I lose sight of who I am in Christ, even when every single thing doesn't make sense and the world is crashing around me and I can't believe God even cares, I. Can. Trust. His. Promises.

Because he gave me himself. And that is forever enough.

God hears my candidness and knows how deeply I love this community. God hears my candidness and knows how I long for heaven and perfection. God hears my candidness and knows how I desire a relationship with a man who loves him and can love me. 

He has filled me and helped me to see, satisfying my heart and giving me peace for today. My eyes want to keep taking this in forever, but I must trust that there is somewhere better.

To him be all glory, honor, and praise. Amen.