Repenting Hype

I love hype.

A few hysterical people. Late-night adventures. Music. Party atmosphere. Something crazy, someone yelling, everyone doubled over with laughter so hard that they can't breathe. Definitely something worth writing about later or maybe a sarcasm battle that turns into a new inside joke. If you know anything about Enneagrams, this is the full-out 7 side making an appearance.

I get such an emotional "high" from being with people. Having dozens of dear, genuine friends is a blessing I've only encountered since coming to college. For an extrovert like me, it's the picture-perfect situation to be in. I thank God over and over for gifting me with friends. I deserve nothing, and yet he's given me the one thing my heart craves most: relationships with other Christians.

And yet.

Yes, there's always a "yet," always a B-side to the blessings and gifts. Everything we receive from Jesus can be sinfully abused and misused if we don't steward well and seek to glorify him in all areas of our lives. 

This struggle is very real. Idolizing happens. 

The cleverness turns into the "Me" show. I abuse my friends' time and emotions, seeking them only when I want fulfillment. The sarcasm is poorly played and jabs places it shouldn't. Jesus is left by the wayside as fun turns into breaking rules and calling attention to us rather than Him.

How about this: He never even comes up in the conversation.

I am being truthful in saying this is one of my biggest struggles. I can't keep throwing God to the sidelines and act like I can receive ultimate satisfaction from my relationships. I can't keep switching into "look-at-me" mode and then go back to my Bible when the party's over, repenting in my journal and apologizing for pride.

I need help. And that can only come from God.

Look to Jesus. Look to Jesus. Look to Jesus.

He is the only true source of fulfillment! That "low" I get when the music stops and the night ends and everyone goes home? When the last thing I want to do is be alone? Good grief, woman, Jesus never left!

The truth is hard to live out when our feelings disagree. I'm in the crux of this battle when it comes to the fantastic fellowship of my brothers and sisters. It seems like nothing is more worthwhile than being with my friends, but that's hardly true. Jesus has given me these relationships, and the last thing I want to do is abuse them or idolize them.

So, Lord, I beg forgiveness. I repent of my pursuit of hype over You. Spirit, be the center and fill me up so I can discern what is right and wise, even in the midst of the fun and blessings you've given me.

Help me to see.